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Dick Dickers can relax after nightmarish trek through Snyder Township. He was on his way to a country fair. He never knew he would take an off-ramp to hell. Tragically-named Dick Dickers, a carnival ride and game-of-chance specialist or carnie, said he was driving to the Huntingdon County Fair on I-99 when he missed his turnoff and was forced to take the Bald Eagle exit. "I tried to get reoriented at the Snappy's up there in that there Snyder Township," Dickers said. "When I got to the parking lot, I begun a'fearin' for my life, or what's left of it." Dickers, who wears an eye patch and a prosthetic ear as a result of a Tilt-a-Whirl accident, said he never encountered such freakish-looking people. "One lady could have been both the bearded lady and the fat woman," said Dickers. "If she was a woman at all." Dickers added that as a fat, bearded transvestite she would be what carnival workers consider a "Triple Threat." As Dickers tried to reorient himself in the township, he became more lost. He entered what some call SFyder Township's "Backwoodsy" section and others refer to as the Forbidden Zone, a swath of land deep in the township known for its rich heritage of impoverished conditions. "I later came to find out that they call it the Forbidden Zone because no form of deviancy if forbidden," said Dickers. "Oh. Lord the things I seen there. The things I seen!" Mae Belle Carson, Snyder Township archivist and owner of the Brides For Seven Cousins Invitation and Stationery Shop, said Dickers and his carnival posse are not welcome in the township. "We're tired of pretty boys like Dickers muddying up our gene pool," said Carson. "He can stay out and so can his gainfully-employed artisans and food booth workers. We don't need such rich folks in our land of not-so-plenty."
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