Incriminating Emails Link Groundhog To Climate Change Hoax

Punxsutawney Phil formulates says next six weeks will resemble reverse hockey stick

Handlers for Punxsutawney Phil are scrambling to explain a group of emails that indicate the forecasting rodent has faked his climate change predictions.

"If I wrote it in steel. If I wrote it in cement," said Dunston Leeds, spokesperson for Phil. "The answer would be the same. No comment."

Phil, who reportedly saw his shadow yesterday, is forecasting six more weeks of winter and a spiraling budget deficit. However, in one email Phil tells a shrew in East Anglia University that recent evidence contradicted his six-week slide in temperature.

"Data, schmata," Phil wrote. "I have grant checks I gotta cash."

Phil also wrote that he would leave out other prognosticating varmints who disagree with his conclusions out of his journal, "Studies In Folklorish Weather Prediction."

Last year, French Creek Freddie, of French Creek, WV, dared to go against the prevailing notion that the world would get cooler in the following six weeks.

Phil appeared to reference this, "Keep Freddie out. He can start his own journal. If a West Virginny groundhog can write at all."

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