Led Zepp's Stairway to Heaven Not Up to Code

Tyrone PA Pennsylvania Borough Code Enforcement

Tyrone Code Harassment: Heavy metal stairway poses dangers.

Right on the heels of a decision to nix a handicapped-ramp for an accident victim, Tyrone's code enforcement agency is preparing to bring the hammer of the gods down on the power rock ballad, Stairway to Heaven.

Tyrone's Code Harassment Chief Robert Pants said the borough did not receive an application or give permission to build-- or buy--a stairway to heaven. "Our office did not receive any blueprints for the aforementioned stairway," Pants said. "Nor, did we receive funds to issue the permit from misters Plant and Page."

According the Pennsylvania's Uniform Construction Code, which uniformly treats everyone like they're Philly slum lords, all projects, including stairways to heaven, must meet statewide guidelines. Those guidelines cover everything from the stairway's dimensions to what building materials are used, according to Pants.

"Besides some vague, neo-romantic references to glitter and gold, there's no information on what the stairway will be made of," Pants said. "There also appears to be a bustle in the hedgerow which may or may not impact the construction of the stairway."

Pants also said that the borough must examine the grade of the stairway. "I'd imagine any stairway that leads from Tyrone to heaven would be steep... very steep, indeed," Pants said.

Alice Crowley, spiritual advisor to Led Zeppelin founding member Jimmy Page, said the band has no intention of seeking a permit at present. "Jimmy will seek direction from the Necronomicon, as always," Crowley said. "And Plant is too old to make any decisions on his own."

Tyrone code enforcement officers aren't stopping there. They will reportedly seek fines against AC/DC's Highway to Hell and Pink Floyds' The Wall.

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