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 A devastating earthquake, which registered 7 on the Richter scale and 10 on the Holy Shit scale, has leveled much of the island nation of Haiti. Sections of the country have been hit so badly hit, it's been labeled "downtown Tyrone."
Port Au Prince Emergency Technician Henri Debellow said his city now resembles areas of the small Pennsylvania town. "We have one section that looks like the Carriage House," said DeBelieu. "Others draw a comparison to Pennsylvania Avenue, completely wiped out and depressing." DeBelieu has never been to Tyrone. "No, I haven't been able to arrange security," said DeBelieu, "But I have been trained in disasters and the Tyrone scenario is often brought up." A group of Tyrone citizens are preparing to travel to Haiti to help loot. Joe Don Betzer, a semi-professional tobacco shop burglar, said he believes he could help the people of Haiti loot more effectively. "Helping people loot is just part of my personal mission statement, my personal DNA," Betzer said. "When there was trouble in New Orleans, I went. Picked up a big screen television." Betzer later traded the big screen television and his 5-year-old son for a pack of smokes. In a recent television appearance, the Reverend Pat Robertson drew comparisons between Haiti and Tyrone. "They both are disasters. Their people serve the devil," said Robertson. "But, honestly, the weather is much nicer in Haiti."
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