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 "We didn't know where he was!" redneck mama Lurdale Haffenfoot, of Snyder Township said, as tears of joy streamed down her face.
Lurdale was pleased to find out that her 8-year-old boy, Clifford Rusty Wallace Haffenfoot, was found alive near a 30-foot Mylar balloon shaped like a UFO. The balloon had been constructed as a big nitrous gas-huffing experiment by her live-in boyfriend, Kurt "Mr. Science" Browning. Dubbed the "World's Largest Whippit," the balloon was a favorite party favor for neighborhood barbecues, keg parties, and meth fests. Between parties, the balloon was filled with helium and hoisted on blocks--like everything else in the family's front yard--for storage. "I told him, 'that 30-foot Mylar balloon shaped like a UFO ain't no toy,'" Browning said. "'That's what them refrigerators are fer!' I said." Clifford did not take his step-something-or-other's advice. The boy and the balloon disappeared. He was seen flying over Ebensburg, his mouth attached to the valve of the balloon, sucking for dear life. Fortunately, a group of hunters, illegally poaching deer, placed a few well-aimed shots in the UFO and it descended to earth at a survivable rate. Clifford wasn't injured in the landing, but he is expected to talk like Minnie Mouse until he's 12. The parents were relieved and said they learned their lesson. "Next time, we'll just use the extra yard space and spare intellectual curiosity to cook meth," said Browning.
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