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Doctors tying Prius emasculation cases to lack of acceleration. State police are investigating an emasculation that occurred shortly after a Philipsburg man left the Brenson Toyota dealership during a test drive of a hybrid car last night. "He didn't even make it off the lot," said Herb Benson, owner of State College Benson Toyota, with a wince. "He didn't even make it off the lot." According to the police report, Derrick Singer, a Philipsburg native, was test driving a 2007 Toyota Prius when the accident happened. Emergency crews were called to the scene and immediately began to search for Singer's penis. "It either shrunk, or was eviscerated," said Mark Francis, a emergency technician with Alpha Fire Company. "Whatever the case, it's gone." He was transported to Nittany Medical Center, after a little shoe shopping and gossip with the gals at Macy's. Benson said he was worried that Singer wasn't prepared for the Prius experience. "He came in driving a big ole pickup truck," Benson said. "It must have been a shock to the cohones when he tromped down on the accelerator and nothin' happened. The human male just isn't naturally prepared for that type of transition." Doctors say Singer will recover from what is now being known in the medical community as "priusdepenis condition." Despite the condition, Singer said his spirits and his singing voice are high. "On the bright side, I can sing along with all the Bee Gee's songs," Singer said. "Oh, God, I like the Bee Gees now? It's worse than I thought." Toyota has recalled some Prius models owned by heterosexual males for potential emasculation concerns. In other headlines... Gestapo tactics seem to work on parking ticket miscreants. No way to talk about people from Huntingdon. Feral swine found in Raystown Lake. Christians not allowed to raft down--or walk across--white water.
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