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Shopper Joanne Glunn begins ticker tape parade at Target parking lot. While NASA struggles to maintain long-duration space flight operations, an Altoona woman has set a new orbiting record and ushered in a new Parking Space Race. Joanne Glunn, a frequent mall and department store shopper, has spent the weekend in orbit around the Altoona Target parking lot looking for the perfect front row parking space. Glunn passed on several back row spaces on Saturday, awaiting splash down next to the handicapped row on Sunday. "That's one small step for most of mankind," said Glunn. "But a giant leap for lazy slothful Americans everywhere. Up yours China!" The dangers of long-duration retail space exploration is well-documented. During Glunn's previous missions at Target, she was nearly involved in four head-on collisions and was struck by a cherry slushy, tossed by an irate pedestrian. Glun credits her training and her crew at mission control, with whom she maintained continual contact by cell phones, for her success. Maggie Alterton, mission supervisor, said she was never worried about beating the record. "She's built up to this, last year she spent 24 hours circling a Bob Evans," said Alterton. "She really showed who can shop for the right stuff." Glunn, who has been treated as hero by fellow Target shoppers, said she subsisted on Doritos and bottled water during her orbit. "And, of course, everyone wants to know how I went the bathroom," said Glunn. "Let's just say 'does anyone know what aisle I can find the Depends?'" God speed Joanne Glunn.
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