Pot: You're black.

The post-racism world of kitchen implements and ironmongery was turned upside down this week as a case of alleged racial profiling surfaced. According to a lawsuit filed by Kettle, Pot made references to Kettle's blackness on several occasions.

In a twist, Pot is also black.

Lawyers for Kettle said that it's a dramatic example of racial profiling.

"The incident reveals that color still matters," said Stew P. Levinson, who is heading up Kettle's legal team. "There's no reason to use these ugly, racial identifiers."

In his defense, Pot said the statements were taken out of context.

While he did label Kettle, "black," Pot said that he was just trying to make a reference. Defense attorneys for Pot will file a motion to dismiss the case, adding that it's a crock. 

Pan and skillet, who both witnessed the incident, said they were shocked at Kettle's political correctness.

"I was, like, why you wanna say that," said Pan. "But it was too late, like, do you really wanna go there? But it was too late. He went there in a big way, you know what I'm saying."

Pan reportedly heard Pot use the "n" word--non-stick--used during the conversation.

The Reverend Al Sharpton, speaking on CNN's Larry King Show, said that the incident reveals just how far the country has to go and how much money Americans will have to pay to heal those wounds of racism and classism and ismism.

"I'm just glad there are tools, like Pot, out there," said Sharpton. "It keeps people like me employed."

 The Deficit Falcon, as envisioned in this NASA reproduction.

The National Air and Space Administration (NASA) and the Federal Reserve Board (NADA) say they're ready to take the next giant leap: Mars.

The two government agencies are partnering on a project that would stack dollar bills from earth to Mars and serve as a bridge for astronauts traveling to the red planet.

"At its closest, Mars is still more than 30 million miles away," said NASA-Fed project leader James "Ace" Grippem. "That's roughly the circumference of House of Representatives Henry Waxman's ears. It's that big!"

Grippem said stacks of money printed by the Federal Reserve.

"No one's even gonna miss the dollar bills at the Fed," Grippem said. "That place is full of money, among other refuse."

According to Ben "Spanky" Bernanke, who leads both the Federal Reserve Board and Masonic plot to control the world, it would take roughly six days for the Fed printing presses to rattle off enough dollar bills to reach Mars, unless there's a federal holiday, or they need to bailout the bailout program.

Bernanke has been asked to lead the mission. Although, more Americans are suggesting that President Barack Obamato become the first man on Mars.

Mars, which was named for jazz trumpeter Mars Davis, will continue to be a challenge even as astronauts safely jump off the stack of dollar bills. The atmosphere is composed mostly of carbon dioxide, derived, most likely from the enormous amounts of muscle cars on the planet.

Scientists expect the astronauts to immediately impose a cap and trade program on the Martian people to both destroy their economy and rapidly alter their environment to one that is more hospitable to human life.

Cro-G-X12, a leader of the Martian Planetary Alliance, said he welcomes earthlings.

"We await your arrival with much anticipation," said Cro-G-X12. "You see, we are having a bit of trouble in our Insurance underwriting industry and need some funds to prop up the market. Please bring a trillion of your earth dollars. Oh, and some chicks."

Cro-G-X12 warned against sending Obama.

"We have strict immigration policies," said Cro-G-X12. "Your president can not use his fake birth certificate to be given access to Martian soil. Hawaii... Right. And I was born in the Martian canal zone!"

"End of transmission."

Move over Coach Paterno and the Nittany Lions, there's a new Number 1.

Penn State was  picked as the nation's number 1 Party Schoo for 2010 by the Princeton Review.

Students say the honor was the result of determination and focus.

"Yeah, we came out in the second half of the season and party harder and stronger," said Josh Bahner, junior, Accounting. "There were a lot of times I didn't want to go out on Tuesday night, but I didn't want to let the team down."

His girlfriend for the night, Racine Willcox, junior, Business, said she still hasn't come down from news that Penn State was named number one party school and the six shots of Jagermeister.

"Number one!" said Willcox. "Wooo! Hell yeah!"

Arnold Nolls, senior, Marketing, said there's a lot of people to thank.

"I just want to thank my Lord and Savior, Budweiser," said Nolls. "Shout out to my family and Ray-Ray, my friend who comes to party and comes to get it done every weekend."

Nolls said the competition was fierce this year. Perrenial powerhouse Florida and West Virginia.

"No doubt about it. My party hat's off to Florida," said Nolls. "They're always a tough competitor, you know. And the Mountaineers. I mean, what the hell else you going to do in West Virginia, right?"

It's Obama post-racism time!

"Why? Because I'm a drunk man in America?" Dexter "Piney" Zelts yells at a Bellefonte police officer attempting to place him in the squad car for resisting arrest, public drunkenness, and impersonating a Harvard professor.

Piney is just one of the region's town drunks trying to get an invite for a free White House beer by over-playing sensitivities and acting insulting to law enforcement.

"This is racism!" Piney shouts out the car door, as it's closed. "Where ma free beer, Mr.  President, for the last two hours of oppression?"

President Barack "O-bama You Came And You Saved Me and I need you tonight" Obama recently offered Harvard professor of Anti-Whitey studies, Henry Louis Gates, and police officer James Crowley a trip to the White House kegger after a race-tinged mix-up outside the professor's house.

Later, Piney admits it was the lure of free beer that lured him into the confrontation with police. He also admitted he wasn't black.

"But due to liver complications I do have a greenish hue," Piney said. "That's gotta count for something."

Johnny Ray Johnson, a Johnstown area town drunk, was also fishing for an invitation to the White House when he attacked a group of uniformed personnel. Unfortunately, they were firefighters and his house was burning down.

"Why because I'm a burned man in America?" Johnson shouted at fire fighters, trying to beat the flames off his smouldering clothes.