Shuttle pilot Ralph Kramden explains new space policy to wife. 

Ralph Kramden, bus driver and moon launch specialist, says that reaching the Muslim world is much more important than his plan to send his wife to the moon.

"The President was very specific about this," Kramden said. "My first job, my first priority, is to reach out to the Muslim world and to stoke their interest in science." 

Kramden had planned that one of these days he would send his wife--zam, pow--right to the moon. Priorities have changed in the Obama's more expansive view of space travel.

Long-time political ally, Ed Norton, said the move is unexpected.

"That Ralphy has always been promising to send that sweet Alice to the moon," said Norton. "Perhaps the failure to develop a inexpensive launch delivery vehicle to replace the space shuttle made the trip impractical, or something that's best accomplished by a more entrepreneurial private sector."

Kramden was interviewed recently on Al Jazeera television where he tried to convince the audience that it would be okay to send a woman to the moon.

One audience member wasn't so sure.

"Obviously a woman can be sent to the moon, as long as she travels five steps behind her husband and is properly veiled," said Abduhl Malook. "Zam. Pow. Zoom." 

Buckling under to extreme United Nation sanctions, the Iranian government has agreed to allow IKEA inspectors.

"Hooo Boy. They really put the screws to us," said Mullah Abduhl Abba-Dancinqueen. "Now we have to have our low-maintenance, high-priced furniture inspected by these infidels. When will the humiliation ever end?"

As part of the deal, Iran will let in a crack squad of IKEA inspectors to replace the current IAEA inspectors who have been examining hotel furniture. 

The UN is not only requiring more complete furniture inspections, but will also ensure Iranians are not pirating the color black from Taliban for their hijabs.

According to the Obama administration, this is a major step forward to establishing a new relationship with the Iranian regime.

"We are entering a new era of United States-Iranian relations," said President Barack Obama. "A new relationship, in which, a seeking of mutual respect will be replaced by a kind of blind disregard for the totalitarian ambitions of religious ideologues, which will probably end in some sort of nuclear holocaust."

He added, "At least good Swedish furniture will be safe."

Meanwhile, the Iranians said the inspections do not include the seven living room nuclear centrifuges the regime recently from IKEA Pyongyang.

Congress plans extra-stupid legislation to destroy country and *cross fingers* planet. 

Congress is planning to rush through enough legislation to destroy the nation before the strict December 2012 end-of-the-world deadline set by the Mayan calendar and Obama's Armageddon Czar.

"We will work with the President every way possible to ensure that his legacy as an American president is the last such legacy in human history," said Speaker of the House Representative Nancy Pelosi.

Pelosi said that a series of misguided financial reforms, increased spending, and "killer" taxes should suffice to destroy the country, if a more practical world-ending event is not forthcoming.

"We just can't sit around and wait for an asteroid," said Pelosi. "As much as the History Channel wants that to happen. The American people expect us to be proactive."

 Obama said that he will work with Congress to make sure the legislation passes in a timely fashion.

"I have destroying the world penciled in right after the Stevie Wonder tribute at Ford Theater and my golf tee time," said Obama. "Hey, did you hear there was some kind of leak in the Gulf of Mexico, or something? Kick ass, right?"