Ever notice that rich people are eccentric and poor people are weird?

Or that there's no male equivalent to the word, slut? 

The same thing happens when the media describes leftists and conservatives.

Here's your media guide to understanding how to describe actions by liberals and conservatives:
 

Liberals exercise their First Amendment rights; conservatives are divisive.

Liberals are passionate; conservatives are violent and repressive.

Liberals are steadfast against an agenda; conservatives are wrecking the spirit of bipartisanship.

Liberals form a group of protesters; conservatives form mobs. 

A liberal majority is the voice of the people; a conservative majority is a duped mass. 

Conservatives are racists; liberals use affirmative action. 

Liiberals stand up for their ideals; conservatives pose a threat. 

Liberals discuss; conservatives engage in dangerous rhetoric.

Liberal media stars are political commentators using their voices to express an important function of democracy; conservative media stars must be silenced.  

 New Congressional candidates take "Throw the Bums In" campaign to the street. (from Moonbattery)

Not satisfied with the new health care arrangement, 54 million uninsured people are running for Congress to get a piece of the government's Cadillac health care plan.

Frank Tuscan, a lard taste tester for the Cracker Barrel restaurant chain, said he will be running on the Keg Party ticket and added that his sense of duty to the country is the driving force behind his candidacy.

"How can I serve my country if I am not in ship-shape health," Tuscan said as he guzzled a ladle of lard into his corpulent body. "Once I have my third bypass, I can really get to work on expanding Social Security to illegal immigrants and foreign tourists."

Tuscan, a native of Coalport, said he has already picked up two key endorsements from the bartender and DJ at a local strip club.

"A, he is a good tipper," said Tuscan. "And two, he keeps his hands off the girls, which makes him better than those guys in office."

Tuscan has steep competition from the 53,999,999 congressional candidates, including single-grandmother of 12, Arleen Stampleton.

Stampleton is running against Tuscan, claiming she also needs the health insurance. The grandmother said a series of pre-existing conditions, including a crossbow arrow lodged in her forearm, are keeping her from insurance.

"You go to sleep one night healthy in a big game reserve while your wearing a buffalo rug and the next morning you wake up with a crossbow arrow in your arm and them people in the insurance racket cut you off like that," she said, flicking the arrow. "And they call this America. Or Portugal. Whatever."

She would be willing to marry Tuscan if she is elected and put him on her Congressional health plan, however.

"He got a good build," said Stampleton in a thick cloud of cigarillo smoke. "Plus he give me a good tip for my strip routine last night. He's a White Snake fan."

In fact, under provisions in the new health care legislation, tattoo artists who offer the 666 tattoo will actually receive a tax break--and a date with Jesse James' new girlfriend.

Spiritual health care  czar Hector Diablo said that parlors who convince patrons to have the mark of the beast carved on their forehead will be able to deduct the cost.

"It's really a win-win," said Diablo. "We win some souls and the tattoo artist wins the admiration of his or her master, the antiChrist."

Pictures of the devil and any desecration of religious symbols are eligible for a tax break under the terms of the health care legislation. 

According to Diablo, health care is the first step. Total control is the destination.

"When you say that you should add some dark music in the background," Diablo said. "Reaching a crescendo as you say, 'total control is the destination'. It works better that way."