President has limited economic opportunity and decreased freedom meeting up in the Obamacare finals. 

President Barack Obama is canceling a scheduled economic recovery for passage of the health care bill.

Earlier, Obama postponed a trip to Asia to hang out while Congress debated both the health care legislation and ways to vote on the health care bill without actually voting on it.

"This is historic," said the President's spokesperson, Robert Gibbs. "There's not many chances in a President's career where he can destroy both short-term and long-term economic growth. And also thwart democracy in new ways. That's what this President is all about."

Gibbs said the President wanted quick passage of the bill so he could get back to checking his March Madness bracket.

Obama asked for the bill to be enacted before Easter.

"Before Easter? What's Easter?" Obama said at a press conference. "Oh, yeah, right."

"This holiday is celebrated by many of my fellow Christians," Obama read from the teleprompter. "It honors the resurrection of their... I mean... our lord, Jesus Christ. May the prophet honor his name."

Tickle Me Massa 

In a move designed to create a liberal version of the Tea Party, former Congressman Eric Massa said he's forming a new political movement.

Massa said at a press conference that he is forming a party of disaffected Democrats, called the Tickle Party.

"It's better than a tea party," said Massa. "Although there's nothing wrong with a wonderful tea party, full on scones and wonderful company!"

"But nothing beats a tickle party!" Massa concluded.

The Tickle Party is aimed at ultra left-wingers upset at people like Larry King and other kind-of-left wingers.

Massa plans to run for Tickle Party President. He had served as Tickle Party Whip and Tickle Party Sergeant of Arms, but the move doesn't intimidate the Navy veteran.

"Our motto is 'Yes We Can Gootchie-Goo.'" 

Massa said Democrats are not happy with his new political movement, which threatens to take votes from their block.

"I was recently accosted by a naked Hillary Clinton when I was taking a schvits," said Massa. "Talk about scaring a guy straight. But that's exactly opposite of that." 

Speaker of the Housewives, Nancy Pelosi, is personally conducting negotiations to ensure that political suicide is covered in the health care reform bill.

Pelosi said that members are worried that political incoherence is a pre-existing condition and might not be covered by most health care providers.

"It's just abominable, incomprehensible and other big words that the greedy insurers would not lend a hand to help a member of Congress who is about to fall on the biggest, nastiest sword in political history," said Pelosi. "Did I mention greedy insurers, because I have to fit that in."

According to the wording of the legislation, political suicides must be part of minimal health care coverage.

"We can't all be Arlen Specter," said Pelosi. 

The new political suicide coverage will be added to other additions to the House's bill, such as loans for unemployed circus little people, a lifetime supply of chocolate for the chronically depressed, and millions of dollars in research for peanut substitute for those with nut allergies.

President Obama is postponing his trip to Indonesia to try to stand around a podium with people dressed up like doctors.

"Let me be clear on this," Obama said. "Hope. Change. Lab coats." 

Devastated by an earthquake and still living in fear of aftershocks, the people of Chile are still concerned about the less fortunate and loosely dressed.

Chilean entertainers and soccer stars held a concert to buy exercise trainer Jillian Michaels an actual shirt. Michaels can only afford half-shirts and sports bras, despite television appearances and a range of product endorsements.

"No woman should live this way," said Gustav Berriberri, star forward for the Santiago El Guapos. "She doesn't even have a shirt that can cover her magnificent six packs of the abdominal muscles." 

Michaels is a trainer on the hit show, "The Biggest Loser."

"The biggest loser is the producers of the show who don't even pay her enough to buy a t-shirt," said Berriberri. "Shame on this!"

Constance Salena, a jazz dancer, said the concert raised enough money to send Michaels some shirts and a long pair of pants.

The group also collaborated on the song, "We are the belly button," which details the plight of the half-shirted trainer. 

"We don't call it a cover song. We call it a coverage song," Salena explained. "God knows she needs it."