Agnostics' Lack Of Faith Shattered By Climategate

First it was the Easter Bunny. Then it was Santa Claus. Now it's the gods of science.

Despite having two non-working nipples, Percy Prescott has faithfully believed in the theory of evolution and other precepts of science. Now he finds his rock solid belief in agnosticism starting to crumble.

He said the cracks began to appear about the time he read news that climatologists had hidden evidence that runs counter to global warming dogma.

Prescott isn't even sure about plate tectonics anymore.

"Maybe earthquakes are caused by the weight of wickedness of any given city," mused Prescott. "Although why has Cleveland been relatively unscathed? Only more questions."

Prescott said he isn't sure about not being sure.

"I walk around wondering if there is no no God," Prescott said. "I have never questioned a double negative before."

Prescott has taken some steps to distance himself from his former hardline position as doubter.

"I took my Darwin fish off the bumper of my Subaru," said Prescott. "OK. It's actually my wife's Subaru, but she lets me take it on local trips."

Prescott isn't the only agnostic who is struggling with the fact that peer-reviewed journals may not be peer-reviewed, or reviewed at all, for that matter.

Barista and pendant artist Nicole Wattles said that Climategate has wrecked her belief in not believing. Wattles relies on science to properly heat her cappuccino and latte creations. Now, she just uses the microwave.

Wattles said she is now interesting exploring religions, but only ones that allow her to keep her cigarette-smoking habit and relaxed attitude toward sexual encounters.

"That was the real benefit of being an agnostic," said Wattles.

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