Stars Agree To Cap On Salaries To Help Out Starving Artists

Hollywood stars say they're ready to give up car, clothes for Clap and Trade tax.

Gillie Sanderson hasn't had a paying acting job since a dog food commercial in 1998. And she walked off the set of that job after continual artistic differences with the director.

Now, thanks to a new initiative by the Obama administration and the administration's celebrity backers, a global war on artist hunger may make artistic dilemmas like Sanderson's a thing of the horrid free market past.

The legislation, called the Claps and Trade bill, will tax Hollywood productions and celebrities at the 97 percentile rate and distribute the monies to poor, working actors, actresses, artists, musicians, and stand-up comedians, but definitely not mimes.

"It's about time these Hollywood big shots put their money where their mascara is," said Sanderson, who plans on using her share of the loot to do a one-woman show about the life of Kelly Ripa.

President Barack Obama said he favors, "spreading the wealth. And lavish, hometown musicals."

"This is a perfect opportunity to do both," said Obama during a break in interviews.

One-time funny man Will Ferrell said he favors the bill, especially since if he has one more Land of the Lost, he'll join the ranks of the unworking artists anyway.

"The budget for Land of the Lost could have paid for the cast of Cats to perform in every medium-market arena in the United States," said Ferrell. "In India, the money could have turned the whole country into the set of the Sound of Music."

The members of U2 have agreed to cap their album sales at 200,000 copies and donate the other sales to poor bar bands in the Northeast, including three Kiss tribute bands in Pennsylvania. Sheryl Crow, who has campaigned vigorously for school music programs, will have almost all of her royalties sent to provide limousines and gift baskets for elementary music teachers.

"I think I speak for working artists everywhere when I say we'd gladly forgo the large salaries, perks, royalties, freebees, free clothes, and comps to help out struggling artists," said Crow. "It's all about the applause anyways."

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