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Speaker of the Housewives, Nancy Pelosi, is personally conducting negotiations to ensure that political suicide is covered in the health care reform bill. Pelosi said that members are worried that political incoherence is a pre-existing condition and might not be covered by most health care providers. "It's just abominable, incomprehensible and other big words that the greedy insurers would not lend a hand to help a member of Congress who is about to fall on the biggest, nastiest sword in political history," said Pelosi. "Did I mention greedy insurers, because I have to fit that in." According to the wording of the legislation, political suicides must be part of minimal health care coverage. "We can't all be Arlen Specter," said Pelosi. The new political suicide coverage will be added to other additions to the House's bill, such as loans for unemployed circus little people, a lifetime supply of chocolate for the chronically depressed, and millions of dollars in research for peanut substitute for those with nut allergies. President Obama is postponing his trip to Indonesia to try to stand around a podium with people dressed up like doctors. "Let me be clear on this," Obama said. "Hope. Change. Lab coats."
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