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Rumor Mill opens: Obama is Amish! So he is. Central Pennsylvania, land of Paper Mills, Windmills, and now, the Obama rumor mill. DotPenn writers are currently collecting and--what the hell--creating their own rumors about presidential candidate Barack Obama to keep Obama's Fight the Smear site busy. Obama's site is designed to respond to smears, rumors, and whitey lies. Sven Waring, DotPenn correspondent, said opening up the Rumor Mill will give thousands of central Pennsylvanians something better to do than going to church and expending shells at the local gunnery. "We want to make sure that both the residents and members of the Obama campaign are kept busy," Waring said as he rolled his fingers over a large silver crucifix that wrapped around his neck and gently tapped on the stock of a Winchester 30-30 that he cradled in his arm. "Idle hands are the devil's workshop. Lord have mercy, can I get an Amen on that?" According to Waring, the mill has already churned out a host of rumors and collected new ones from readers. They include: - Barack Obama's middle name is actually "Jacob," Amish for "Hussein."
- As a child, Obama was trained in an Amish madrassa where he lettered in shoe-fly pie making, barn raisin', and sureptitious seizeure of political office.
- Obama will reveal his connection to the Amish religion immediately after he is sworn in as President.
- After his break from Rev. Wright, Obama asked his mentor to give his copy of Mein Kampf back.
- Michelle Obama never calls white people, "whitey;" it's pronounced "honkey."
- Obama plans to raise income tax to 50 percent and expand the social security payroll tax to include everyone, but Hollywood celebrities. And the Amish.
Dotpenn readers are invited to add their own Obama rumors in the comment section. These will be immediately forwarded to the Rumor Mill for shining and packaging before they are sent to the warehouse for distribution.
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