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The G stands for "Get that thing back in your pants." Fred G. Sanford has been appointed to take the helm of the South Carolina governorship. "And the 'G' stands for learn how to 'govern' your passions," the outspoken Sanford said. "And 'get' the hell back to Argentina, if you can't." Sanford will replace former governor Mark Sanford, who, in just a few weeks managed to screw an Argentinean woman, his family, the state of South Carolina, and the Republican party. That's called multi-tasking. The pick of Fred Sanford, who runs a junk business, has made local business leaders happy, according to Jubal E. Darling, a member of the South Carolina Chamber of Commerce. "As a mildly-used antique dealer, we like to think that Mr. Sanford will keep his junk in his own backyard," said Darling. "And not spread it around South America." Another benefit Darling said was that the monograms on the governor's towels and napkins would not need to be replaced, saving South Carolina money from stimulus funds. Sanford pledged to make few changes, but said he will make a number of key appointments. Grady will assume the lieutenant governorship and son, Lamont, will serve as treasurer. The Sanford appointment does have his critics. Aunt Esther has been vehemently opposed to the selection and is working both sides of the aisle to have Sanford's appointment revoked. "Fred Sanford, the wrath of God will strike you down," Esther said during a hearing on the appointment. "And this Louisville slugger will knock you out," Sanford replied. Sanford said he was shocked by the turn out at his first press conference, clutching his heart and yelling, "Oh, this is the biggest one I ever had. You hear that Elizabeth? I'm coming to join you honey." Speculation was that Sanford was referring to Elizabeth Edwards.
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