Holder Appoints NYC Tour Guides For Girmo Visitors

Terrorists reportedly thrilled to take customized "Sex and The Jihadi" tour.

Attorney General Eric Holder-n-Releaser is training a crack group of New York City tour guides to handle the rush of Gitmo prisoners.

"We really want to show them the town, as they say," Holder said. "We want them to go back to their home countries, after they've been freed on technicalities, and say that New York City, and America, are really amazing places to attempt to destroy with improvised weapons systems."

Holder said that the evening will start off with a limo ride through the city's majestic theater district.Then the group will take in a show.

Four-star tour guide Mandy Prejean has received orders to take Khalid Sheikh Mohammed and several henchman on a Broadway excursion.

"We have to be very careful of religious sensibilities, so we're going to ask the whole cast of Wicked to perform in burkas," said Prejean. "At least the females. And some of the uglier men."

Prejean has already been in contact with Sheikh Mohhamed and a few other Gitmo inmates. Prejean referred to them as "stoked" about the upcoming visit to the big city.

"They're very interested in seeing some of New York City's amazing works of engineering," said Prejean. "Or, as they like to call them, 'vulnerable infrastructure targets.'"

The tour will stop off at several major bridges and tunnels due to this request.

Prejean will pass the band of Islamic fighters off to Karry Wilsome, who leads the "Sex and the Jihadi" tour that will visit famous backdrops for the show, "Sex and the City."

Derrick "Dublin Mac" McGurtney, who runs a Hansom Cab service in the city, said he's been contracted out for a romantic carriage ride through the city.

"From what I'm told, we're taking them past Battery Park and near the site of the former World Trade Center," said McGurtney. "They say it gets them all turned on. Hey, to each his own, right?"

Comments

Add New