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Double chin chiminy chin chin charoo. Pennsylvania Governess Edwina Rendell has been selected to address the members of the Democratic Convention on Tuesday night, according to press officials. Nanny Rendell, as she likes to be called, is expected to talk about how deep state intrusion has helped growth in her home state of Pennsylvania--and by Pennsylvania, she means Philadelphia and, to a lesser degree, Pittsburgh. Nanny has been instrumental in helping the state lean toward a more centralized, bureaucratic healthcare system, while disregarding other options, like improving a system of free health clinics. "As I like to say a teaspoon of taxes helps the subsidized medicine go down," Nanny Rendell said. "In the most delightful way, at least for Harrisburg power-brokers." Similarly, the governess has supported subsidized wind energy projects that, even when subsidized, are too expensive and only slightly less efficient than hooking a generator to a team of gerbils. The governess said she's likely to talk about the improvements to the state's infrastructure, including how PennDOT, the state's transportation funding hole, has spent hundreds of millions of dollars to create a four-mile section of Incomplete-99, the agency's latest attempt to connect parts of nowhere with other parts of nowhere. "Well, now, as I always say, well begun is half done and half done is half assed." Nanny Rendell said. "And half-assed is good enough for government work, init?" The governess added that bad work is rewarded with more funding. "In every government job that must be done, there is an element of fun," Nanny said. "You find the fun, and - snap - the job's a game!" Nanny Rendell is also expected to switch her endorsement from the original nanny, Hillary Clinton, to BarackHusseinObamaBinLadenBidenDocious.
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