Next Stimulus Program Promises No Child Left A Dime

Senate Democrats, who are hoping to spend the country into a communist revolution, are crafting another stimulus program that's designed to get Americans back working. And have their children pay their wages.

The new program, called No Child Left A Dime, will release another "couple few hundred billion" into the American economy, magically creating jobs, careers, factories, roads, and fuzzy warm slippers for everyone.

Senator Harry Reid, the Nevada Democrat and sleazy guy depicted in the movie Casino, said the plan makes sense.

"It's based on the assumption that if you use something to solve a problem and it doesn't work, you just do the same thing... but do it with a lot more money... and the problem goes away," said Reid. "Magic, baby, Magic!"

Reid said the money to fund the program will be printed on the Federal Reserve Boards magic money printer. Willy Wonanke, the head of the fed's magic printing machine, said he can have the device working in minutes, if Congress so ordains.

"First the Oompa-loompas separate the dough from the cashola, then it gets sucked up the loot tube into the scratch vat where the dead presidents are imprinted on them," said Wonanke. "And then it's off to the drying room and on its way to you and me and good little boys and girls who will be indebted to the countries like China and India for the rest of their lives!"

Oompa Loompa, do-ba-dee-doo,
I’ve got a perfect puzzle for you.
Oompa Loompa, do-ba-dee-dee,
If you are wise you’ll listen to me.
What do you get when you crank out cash?
Printing as much as an elephant craps.
Don't you think the deficit's getting fat?
What do you think will come of that?
I don't like the look of it
Oompa Loompa do-ba-dee-da,
Given good fiscal discipline you will go far.
You will live in happiness too,
Like the oompa loompa do-ba-dee-doo.
Do-ba-dee-doo

Congress also plans, while they're at it, to crank out additional Wananke bucks to pay for health care for unicorns which has now risen to the level of a crisis, said Louisiana Senator Mary Landrieu, who plans to receive $300 million for the state's unicorn ranch.

"We believe that if this funding is not received, the unicorn could go extinct," said Landrieu. "Can you imagine never seeing a unicorn?"

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