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Obama finishes up book on how Lincoln read reports on strategy before opening reports on strategy. The Obama administration is grappling over how they will open a report on Afghanistan strategy that was prepared by General Stanley McChrystal. "Holy crap, we didn't even know there was a war in Afghanistan," said President Barack Obama. "Didn't they get the whole hope and change message?" "They don't get Letterman?" added the President. "I was on Letterman!" According to General McChrystal, they did not. McChrystal sent an urgent report on a new strategy in Afghanistan to the White House for review. Obama has yet to review it. Obama's Czar of Report Opening, Jerome Wigget, said the administration won't enter headlong into any report opening without careful consideration.The Obama administration had frequently criticized the Bush administration for its direct approach to opening reports. "Bush demonstrated such hubris when he opened a report without the full support of the world government bodies," said Wigget. "No wonder we lost global prestige." The office is devising several strategies for how Obama could open the report, which could tell Obama why casualties are on the uptick in Afghanistan. "He could saunter casually over to the table and see it and then go, 'Oh, look an important report on the future of our military service members,' like that," said Wigget. "That tested well among college students and suburban house wives." Wigget said they're focus grouping some other approaches to the report opening strategy. "One is, we run in and say, 'Mr. President, and urgent missive,'" said Wigget. "That's really Hollywood. Really 'Armageddon,' if you're familiar with that classic." Wigget said they will issue a report on the report opening for the President in the next few weeks. "We aren't sure if the charts look nice," Wigget said. "We want to make it pretty, but official-looking, like all the reports you see in movies."
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