| Obama Gets To Work On Submissive Urination Problem |
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President has bow movement in front of Japanese Emperor President Barack Obama may not be getting many more invitations from foreign governments after an embarrassing display of submissiveness in front of the Japanese emperor and a delegation of Chinese technocrats. Members of the Obama team say he's afflicted with a severe case of submissive urination that causes him to leak when he feels nervous or is in the presence of Alpha males... and alpha females. And, occasionally, beta males, females, and children. He once peed through a meeting with Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, an unnamed Obama official said. The official also said Obama repeatedly urinated in Tokyo's Imperial Palace before meeting the Japanese emperor. "It was everywhere," said Matsui Doshi, a custodian at the palace. "Sprinkle here. Sprinkle there." Doshi shakes his head, "Not bad enough you rain fire and atomic destruction down on our cities, now you pee all through palaces and places of government." "I wish Clinton back," the custodian concluded. "He just bang interns in Imperial water closet." The submissive urination problem grew worse during the President's visit to China. A group of Chinese students looked on in horror as the President scampered around the room, bowed to everyone, and left several small pools on the floor of the People's Polytechnic Institute. "We expect to dominate the 21st century," said engineering student Hu Wang-wei. "But, we wanted some type of many challenges. And his jokes not even funny." White House sources said that help will be called. Burke Barkes, the so-called "President Whisperer," will be brought in to work with Obama. "I will basically soothe him and whisper, 'You're the damn president of the United States for the love of God, wake up and show them you have a pair,'" Barkes said. "Then I give him a treat."
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