Obama Talks of Mixed Parentage, Admits Zeus Was His Father

Barack Obama, Democratic presidential contender and integral part of the mythic Greek pantheon, disclosed the true nature of his birth, or nativity. Obama admitted for the first time the circumstances of his actual multiracial background: he was born to the races of both man and the gods.

According to Obama's soon-to-be-released community activist comic book, Dreams of My God Father, his true father is Greek God, Zeus, who met Obama's mother at a political rally on Cypriot rights in the early 1960s.

"Zeus met a lot of hot chicks at those things," said Hermes, messenger of the gods. "He doesn't remember Barack's mom, per se. You know what I'm sayin'."

Obama said he struggled with his upbringing as a god-man. Obama said he never truly felt accepted by his classmates and townsfolks in the predominantly mortal city of Honolulu. They frequently misunderstood his supreme powers. Obama dunked when he was 6 years old and was incapable of missing hook shots on his high school basketball team. He served as his school's senior class president in the eighth grade and took a Nymph to the junior prom.

"Even as the teachers in my school extolled the virtues of a multiracial society, I keenly felt caught in the invisible strands of racism," Obama wrote. "Thankfully, as a god, I could use my bionic heat vision to melt those strands."

Obama also coped with the pressures of a blended family and acknowledged frequent run-ins with his step-mother Hera, wife and sister of Zeus. In his book, Obama wrote that Hera would often buy better birthday gifts for the children she had with Zeus and only send Obama and Heracles a card on their birthdays.

"All the other sons and daughters of Zeus were riding the zephyrs on ten-speed thunder-bikes," Obama lamented. "And Heracles and I had to bi-locate to the store. It was humiliating."

In a poll, 75 percent of Americans believe Obama's candidacy proves that prejudice against Greek gods is waning. Obama, however, believes the fight has just begun.

"These mortal political offices and the presidency are just trifles," Obama said as he wrestled a Minotaur. "I have been to the Mount Olympus top and I've seen the promised land."

Obama said he finally revealed the secret when the National Enquirer threatened to go public with the story. Time Magazine already knew he was god, Obama added.