Specter Struggles To Find More Groups To Disillusion

Ron Specter

Pennsylvania Senator Arlen Specter (Democrat, for now) is finding it harder and harder to antagonize new voting blocks.

The senator, who's managed to upset feminists, anti-feminists, Republicans, Democrats, conspiracy theorists, bald people, and people named Arlen, is trying to connect with new voters, in order to turn his back on them.

"I don't know what more I can do," Specter said at a recent national prayer breakfast for Veterans of anti-American Insurgencies."I stand by my record of offending both sides of the aisle and some people who are across the aisle, down the hall, and in another room."

Specter even backed Martha, or Marsha, or Mary Coakley over eventual winner, Scott Brown.

Specter's campaign manager, Salvador Daly, said the senator is not ready to give up.

"We can still piss off more people and totally wreck any semblance of his political legacy," said Daly. "The team spends every waking moment trying to find one more demographic, one more religious group, one more political ideology who we can offend."

When pressed, Daly said they are possibly going after, "cripples and midgets."

The one bit of good news for the campaign: Specter recently picked up the endorsement of Phil Spector, who appreciates the name recognition and Arlen's hatred of women.

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