Van Jones Thrown Under Hybrid Bus

Van Jones, former Green Job commissar for the Obama Administration, was tossed under a green hybrid bus, the President's spokesman said today.

The hybrid bus runs on a mixture of hydrogen and hype. The two substances are then converted into energy, which is then distributed to the wheels, which are guided by the media.

"We didn't just want to chuck Van under any old carbon-spewing bus," said Robert Barry Gibbs. "We wanted to make sure that it would suit his environmental awareness."

For the President, this shows that the environment matters, Gibbs added.

"We try to keep the size of our carbon footprint to a minimum even when we're placing that footprint on the ass of any one of our former friends and allies who have lost political expediency," said Gibbs. "Just ask Reverend Wright."

Jones, a communist and professional rioter, was tossed under the bus after revealing the Obama administration's actual intent for the country. Jones said that green jobs were just a front for a systemic overthrow of the capitalist system, which would later be replaced by a group of largely impotent advisers--called a Politburo--that would be headed by a big Czar.

"The President just didn't think it was time for the truth," said Gibbs. "Overthrowing the system is one of those things that we like to talk about behind closed doors, or say in public, but then wink at each other after we say something in code, like 'Change' or 'Hope.'"

Gibbs also said the President was upset that Jones referred to Republicans as "assholes."

"The President thinks this sort of talk in today's partisan environment isn't productive," said Gibbs. "He should have called them 'shitheads,' as they're more commonly known around the White House. We all need to be on the same page."

Jones said he has his resume in several places.

He's applied to build windmills off the coast of Cape Cod and also made inquiries to several former communist countries looking for a former Czar.

"As a communist, I find the irony of seeing 'former Czar,' on my resume delicious, capricious, and malicious," said Jones. "You assholes."

Comments

Add New