Indian Summer Brings Out Last Parade of Unwed Welfare Mothers

As the temperatures climb into the 60s, central Pennsylvania's last sign of warm weather falls away like a brown leaf clinging to the deciduous tree.

Communities throughout the area will host the final Parade of Unwed Welfare Mothers this week. A tradition of the warmer months, mothers-on-assistance parade their baby carriages throughout the downtown and inner city areas that are crumbling under the weight of an unproductive, uncooperative populace.

Lurlene Waddle, of Tyrone, said she has been parading her three children up and down the streets for the past six months. But it's not just about fresh air and exercise.

"It's, like, a sign that I breed," said Waddle. "That I'm available."

Lurlene decorates her carriage with beer bottle caps and empty cigarette cartons. Last week, Lurlene was accidentally awarded the "funniest" costume at the Tyrone Halloween Parade.

Candi Deetero, a welfare mother from Altoona, said that the parade is a chance to network with other mothers.

"I learn so much from my sisters out here," said Deetero. "Like, initially, I wasn't comfortable that my body image contrasted with the physicality of a halter top and short-shorts. But these girls taught me how to be okay with it."

The parades are a nightly event during warm Summer evenings, but slow down in cooler weather when drinking is done mostly indoors.

Duke Chitten, an unemployed Altoona male who leeches off women who have free housing, waves a small American flag as several mothers pass by.

"It's just a great American tradition," said Chitten. "I love this country and its permissive attitudes."

Chitten said he is filled with pride watching the parade. He continues to be a deadbeat dad to many of the women marching today.

"I just support them," said Chitten. "Not financially, of course."

"You want a boyfriend?" he yells at one float.

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