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Mean drunk worries loss of free booze will impact relationships, uppercut. "Most of my relations is based on powerful mixture of continuing alcohol abuse and the threat of violence, both physical and mental" said Leroy Atticus Stone, a frequent domestic abuse perpetrator. "And a little whiskey gets me in the violent mood. Without it, I lose my edge." Stone fears that Pennsylvania's pending ban on the use of Welfare money to purchase alcohol would restrict him from using his access card to purchase liquor and beer. He reasons that without a ready access to alcohol, those relationships with his wife, children, girlfriend, neighbors and people of certain belief systems contrary to his own may be in jeopardy. "That's a violation of my Constitutional rights and my right to party, of course," said Stone. The hard-drinking, foul-smelling drunk added that he uses whiskey and beer to self-medicate the way a chemist mixes nitro and glycerin. It's a lethal combination with explosive results, as his commmon-law wife related. "He once sent me to the emergency room for failing to identify the Muppet most likely to be sent to purgatory," said Luelle Stone. "It was the pig! It was the pig to dare relations with the frog," Stone screamed in the background."Say it!" "In fairness, he had disclosed his spiritual misgivings about Miss Piggy and Kermit's relationship to me before," said Luelle. "And I failed to understand the importance of the observation until physical violence remedied the insight." Stone said the shared trauma and continual on-edge feelings are at the heart of a good, dysfunctional relationship. It's not just the wife who will suffer. Stone's multiple children, both in wedlock, out of wedlock and between wedlocks, are not likely to have the one-on-one daddy time that they're used to. Stone has already noted a slip in the "respect-o-meter" with his kids. "One of them refused to hook up the hoses in my portable meth plant," said Stone. "Of all the god dern nerve." Stone said if the ban does take effect he may be forced to get a job. As his normal day-to-day existence crumbles, becoming gainfully employed is a thought that haunts him. "Even enjoying my soaps and talk shows without alcohol has proved taxing," said Stone. "I woke up in a cold sweat yesterday afternoon when I had a nightmare that I was doing something productive. What does that mean?"
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