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Sheik: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad investigates American assets Mahmoud Ahmadinejad presented his case that the world is better off without American influence at the United Nations. The following is a transcript: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: The Americans have bled us white, the bastards. They've taken everything we had, not just from us, from our fathers and from our fathers' fathers. Raul, Cuban delegate: And from our fathers' fathers' fathers.
Mahmoud: Yes.
Raul: And from our fathers' fathers' fathers' fathers.
Mahmoud: All right, Raul. Don't labor the point. And what have they ever given us in return?
Ghana delegate: Eradicated polio
Mahmoud: Oh yeah, yeah they gave us that. Yeah. That's true.
Jose, Mexican delegate: And better sanitation!
Raul: Oh yes... sanitation, Mahmoud, you remember what our country used to be like.
Mahmoud: All right, I'll grant you that curing polio and improved sanitation are two things that the Americans have done...
Jose: And the Internet...
Mahmoud: (sharply) Well yes obviously the Internet... the Internet goes without saying. But apart from curing polio, the sanitation and the Internet...
JoJo, Polish delegate: Ended World War II and the Cold War...
Other UN representatives: Movies... Jazz.. Rock and Roll... soft porn...
Mahmoud: Yes... all right, fair enough...
Canadian representative: And soda pop..
UN: Oh yes! True!
Raul: Yeah. That's something we'd really miss if the Americans left, Mahmoud.
Iraqi delegate: And it's safe to walk in the streets of Iraq right now.
Raul: Yes, they certainly know how to keep order... (general nodding)... let's face it, they're the only ones who could in a place like that.
(more general murmurs of agreement)
Mahmoud: All right... all right... but apart from better medicine and education and entertainment and public health and the Internet and soda pop and ending World War II and public order... what have the Americans done for us?
Bosnian representative: Brought peace!
Mahmoud: What!? Oh... (scornfully) Peace, yes... shut up!
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