| UN Warns North Korea May Face Hints, Innuendos |
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"We can't suggest anything unless we get a three-fifths approval from the body of states and an OK from the security council and the social and entertainment committee,"said Sirhan Sirhannity, the Indonesian delegate to the United Nations. "Since North Korea is in charge of our Summer fling dance, we don't want to do anything to upset the delicate balance on that planning committee." North Korea is also serving on the committee on croquet injuries sub-committee that is investigating a rash of recent injuries in the Darfur area. Members of the Sudanese government have reported that entire villages in the Sudan have been wiped out by croquet elbow and knee. In some cases, the injuries have been so severe that people have exploded or have been riddled by dozens of small, bloodstained holes, like bullet holes, but from croquet mallets. "We need North Korea to help us sort that out," said Sirhannity. "They lost a million to two million people from croquet injuries in their re-education camps." Officials close to the international governing body who want to remain anonymous also admit that some members of the security council are practicing raised eyebrows. "You go like this," said one delegate, slowly raising the eyebrow over his left eye. "And then you kind of shake your head and say something like, 'We are watching the situation on the Korean peninsula with increasing alarm and are measuring our response,' something like that." Chi Chi Jongrigez, North Korean ambassador-elect to the United Nations, said that his country will not back down from peaceful nuclear development even if it means blowing up entire cities and starving half the country with misdirected allocation of resources and labor. Although Jongrigrez admits the tactics are having a psychological toll. "I walked into the cocktail party on poverty and everyone was raising their eyebrows and whispering innuendos," said Jongrigrez. "It was horrible. I went right back to the limo." |
The United Nations is preparing a statement warning that North Korea may face hints and possible innuendos if they don't back down from recent missile tests, atomic explosions, and stealing hotel copies of the USA Today. However, the body stopped short of threatening to suggest North Korea stop its activities.