Main Menu

• Home
• Articles
  • Arts & Entertainment
    • Movies
      • Mel Gibson Announces West Virginia Senate Run
      • Wicked Witch of West Wing Says Munchkins Should Leave Oz
      • Earth Tells Danny Glover: Make Lethal Weapon 5 or Turks And Caicos Gets It
      • Boozehounds Say Cheers! to State Theatre Liquor License
    • Music
      • White Musicians Impatient For Blacks To Invent New Musical Styles That They Can Steal
      • Satirists Mourn Passing Of Easiest Target: Michael Jackson
      • In Memoriam
      • Springsteen Rocks Four Blue Collar Workers, 14,996 Middle Managers At BJC
      • Prince 2 Sue Texters, Tweeters 4 Infringement
      • White Girls Seek Equal Opportunity To Play That Funky Music
    • Internet
      • Existentialist Unable To Bear Purposeless, Meaningless Second Life
      • Clicking Google Ads Sends Searing Pain into Obama's Skull
      • Altoona Railroaders Museum To Host "America's Next Top Model Train"
      • Stacy Hedger: Latest Victim of Dark Side-Youtube Alliance
  • Business & Tech
    • Science
      • Particle Accelerator May Reverse Snyder Township's Status as Cultural Black Hole
    • Energy
      • Company Plans Industrial Pepper Mill Farm
    • News
      • Parking Space Race: Woman Sets Record In Orbit Around Local Target
      • Man Emasculated During Prius Test Drive
  • News & Politics
    • Immigration
      • Snyder Township Scares Illegals "Derecho"
    • Welfare
      • Welfare Recipients Angered By Disabled Workers
      • Indian Summer Brings Out Last Parade of Unwed Welfare Mothers
      • Welfare Octo-Mom To Replace Jon And Kate Plus 8
      • Wife Beater Says Alcohol Restrictions Will Hurt Relationships
      • Welfare Dependents Offered Trick or Treat Assistance
      • Four Horsepersons Riding In Politically-Correct Apocalypse
      • Aid Recipients Celebrate Dependence Day
      • Workers Prepared to Switch Entitlements
      • Multi-Tasking Deadbeat Dad Drinks and Does Drugs
      • Welfare Moms Celebrate 'Keep Kids Away from Work Day'
      • Native Non-Workers Angered by Influx of Immigrant Non-Workers
      • Welfare Mom Says Stipend is Barely Enough to Afford Alcohol
    • Economy
      • NASA, Fed Partner On Money Bridge To Mars
      • Obama Reveals Hidden Finger Of Socialism
      • Obama Hosts Townhall Meeting For Ideas On Spending
      • Samurai Trains AIG Executives In Ritual Suicide
      • Gays Suffer Through Fabulous Depression
      • Government Approves Scrooge & Marley Bailout
      • Snobs To Receive Nouveau Poore Lessons
      • Economists Say Country Could Face Great Manic Depression
      • Americans Fear Depression May Turn Their Communities into Tyrone
      • Media Reassures Public That They Can Kiss Their Economic Asses Goodbye
      • Sheetz Customers Must Offer First Male Child For Gas
      • Worst Economy Since Depression Continues to Grow
      • Pay As You Go: Pennsylvania Mandates Metered Toilets.
    • Taxes
      • Stars Agree To Cap On Salaries To Help Out Starving Artists
      • Drunks Organize Keg Parties To Protest Alcohol Taxes
    • World
      • Saudi Landmark Commission Approves New Mecca Synagogue
      • Iranians Reluctantly Agree to IKEA Inspectors
      • Viewer Stumbles On Channel Called 'CNN'
      • Obama Administration Dismissed Terror Warnings as Another Nigerian Email Scam
      • Nobel Prize Committee Wins Obama Satire Award
      • Cubans That Are Worth More Than Average Cuban
      • Audience Makes Bill Clinton's Wife Angry
      • Penn State Fans Arrested In Iran For Leading "We Are" Chant
      • Obama Bravely Stands Behind... Way Behind... Courageous Iranian People
      • Obama Apologizes For Building World Trade Center In Flight Path of Muslim Pilots
      • UN Warns North Korea May Face Hints, Innuendos
      • Secretary Of State Gives North Koreans 'Relaunch' Button
      • Report: Obama Re-gifted Queen's iPod
      • Europeans Afraid Obama Will Spread Socialist Agenda
      • Thousands Of North Koreans Applaud Satellite Launch Before Dying Of Starvation
      • Israeli Invasion to Pave Way for Wailing Walmarts
      • Religion of Peace Battles It Out With Non-Violent Nation
      • Pirates Ask For Tolerance, Say Profiling Unnecessary
      • Koran-Koran Dome of the Rocks Muslim World
      • Ahmadinejad Asks UN: What Have the Americans Done for Us?
      • NATO Strike Kills Puppies, Kitty, Children, 2 Wittle-wee Fluffy Bunnies
      • Millions of Peaceniks Too Busy to Protest Russian Invasion
    • U.S.
      • Obama Worried About Losing Cracker, Honkie Vote
      • Tea Party Resolution Condemns National Association for the Advancement of Colored People
      • Ralph Kramden Says Muslim Outreach More Important Than Alice's Planned Moon Trip
      • DotPenn Exclusive! Send in the Clowns! What Was Really Said at McChrystal-Obama Meeting
      • Congress Races to Destroy Country Before 2012 Deadline
      • Blob of Oil to Hold Press Conference
      • Spill, Baby, Spill: Obama Blames Bush for His Blaming Bush
      • Obama's Kick-Ass Quote Joins List of Presidential Curses
      • Zombies Want Recognition as 'Undocumented Dead'
      • Clinton Accused of Offering Volunteer Position to Sleestak, too
      • Blumenthal Awarded with Purple Heart, Green Clovers, and Blue Diamonds
      • Unique Physical Trait Led Unibrow Bomber To Bomb Times Square
      • Williams Debuts New 'Think Outside the Jack in the Box' Slogan
      • The Media's Guide to Describing Liberals and Conservatives
      • 54 Million Uninsured People To Run For Congress
      • Tattoo Parlors Offering Mark Of The Beast Get Tax Break Under Obamacare
      • The Day The Republic Died
      • Former Obama Supporter Discovers Change Can Be Bad
      • Obama Cancels Trip To Economic Recovery For Health Bill
      • Massa Forming New Political Movement: The Tickle Party
      • Democrats Say Political Suicide Covered in New Health Care Bill
      • Congress Fears Jobs Bill May Add a Few Hundred Losers to Ranks of the Unemployed
      • Johnstown Bureaucrats Mourn Loss Of Giant Check
      • Specter Struggles To Find More Groups To Disillusion
      • Obama Promises Millions More Snow Jobs
      • Ghost Seen Dancing on Ted Kennedy's Grave
      • Obama Makes Some Pigs More Equal Than Other Pigs
      • Obama Said Reid 'Talks Like a Honkey'
      • Obama Discovers Terrorist Group With Funny Name
      • History Channel Presents 'The People Who Agree With Celebrities Speak'
      • Biden Crashes Couple's First Pampered Chef Party
      • Next Stimulus Program Promises No Child Left A Dime
      • Holder Appoints NYC Tour Guides For Girmo Visitors
      • Obama Gets To Work On Submissive Urination Problem
      • Would-Be Suicide Bomber Says Americans Are Harassing Him
      • Special Olympian Chastised For Referring to Negotiation Skills as 'Obama-like'
      • Obama Administration Contemplates Strategy On Opening Afghanistan Strategy Report
      • More White People Think More White People Are Racist
      • Americans Celebrate Talk Like A Patriot Day
      • School Kids To Take Quiz After Obama Speech
      • Van Jones Thrown Under Hybrid Bus
      • People At Town Hall Meetings Told To Sit Down, Shut Up
      • Kettle Accuses Pot Of Racial Profiling
      • Obama Warns Police To Stop Investigating Black People
      • John Holdren: First Obama-Appointed Czar To Really Live Up To Title
      • Arlen Specter To Run As A Wise Latina
      • Ugly People Demand Free Sex Care
      • Obama Refuses To Choose Sides In American Revolution
      • Fred G. Sanford Named South Carolina Governor
      • We're Pissy and Hissy: Gays Stand Fierce Against Obama Administration
      • Struggling Newspapers To Offer Premium Truth Content
      • White Mediocre-ist Thinks White People Are Alright
      • White House Re-brands Stimu-less Program
      • Obama's Court Pick A Swipe At Bad Spellers, Mispronouncers
      • College Hippies Memorialize Those Who Turned Their Backs On Nation's Veterans
      • Pelosi Charges FBI With Misleading Her About Body Inspections
      • Specter Switches States; Wants To Represent Connecticut
      • Americans Resolve To Panic, Over-react To Swine Flu Emergency
      • Obama's Dog Causes Spontaneous Orgasms Among White House Press Corps
      • Self-Absorbed Assholes Losing Faith In Obama
      • Special Olympic Team Captain Apologizes For Comparisons To Obama Administration
      • Handicapped Sniper Bemoans Lack Of Access To Bell Tower
      • Obama Hires Drunken Sailors To Help Balance The Budget
      • Obama's Blanket Stimulus Bill Promotes Snuggies Socialism
      • Sucker Birthrates Skyrocket
      • Congress To Debate What Comes After Trillion
      • Obama Running Low On Cabinet Hopefuls Who Actually Pay Taxes
      • Bias Divides Journalists Who Love Obama Against Those Who Love, Love, Love Him
      • Crabby Schoolmarms To Help CIA Learn New Interrogation Tactics
      • Robamabots Mass In Capital
      • Roland Burris Asks For Refund On Bribe
      • Welfare Cheats Seek People To March In Inaugural Parade For Them
      • Mayan Calendar, Hollywood Predict Obama's First Term Disaster
      • Obama To Address Nation in Weekly Fireside-izzle Chat-n-tizzles
      • Bush Establishes Pre-emptive Shoe Throwing Doctrine
      • DotPenn Presents: A Guide To The New Administration
      • Country To Install New Moral GPS System
      • Hillary Clinton Asks To Be Called Administrative Professional of State
      • President Elect Places Wreath on Tomb of the Unknown Community Organizer
      • Dish Network Says Waxman's Ears Stealing Premium Channels
      • Murtha Drops Speech Writer, Adds Apology-Maker to Staff
      • Archie Bunker Releases New Theme Song: Those Will Be The Days...
      • Special Report: Murtha Low On Insults, Asks MoveOn.org For Help
      • Obama Promises Middle Class They'll Never Be Upper Middle Class
      • Hasno Toys to Introduce Joe the Plumber Action Figures
      • Murtha Constituents Demand Apology For Excluding Sexists
      • ACORN Says Fake Tony Romo Shopping for Engagement Ring
      • Congress on the Rush: Teapot Dome Bill's Just the Cat's Meow
      • Kim Jong-Hill? Clinton Makes Play for Korean Presidency
      • Another 70s Show: Expert Calls Obama's School Pic a Fake
      • Nader Takes on Gay Hispanic Male Running Mate
      • Gaia Sends Hurricane to Punish Republicans
      • Obama Talks of Mixed Parentage, Admits Zeus Was His Father
      • Nanny Rendell to Pop In on Democratic Convention
      • Obama Travels Through Time To Tax The Future
      • Obama Promises Cold War Reenactors, 'We'll Lose This One"
      • Obama Campaign, Mastercard Issue Election Race Card
      • FBI Says Bin Laden Using Groucho Marx Disguise
      • Forecasters Predict 'Hello Dolly' Headlines as Storm Hits
      • Grinch Turns Attention to Gas Tax Holiday
      • Poll: Congress's Opinion of Constituents at All-Time Low
      • Obama Orders The New Yorker to Go Back to Satirizing Bush
      • Nuts! Jackson Backs Neutering Stray Politicians
      • Obama Indecision on Iraq Winning Over Undecideds
      • Pacifists Create Non-Violent Alternative to Fireworks
      • DotPenn Opens Up Obama Rumor Mill
      • GOP Fears Gay Marriage Will Hurt Closet Candidate Pool
      • Judges Open Homes to Guantanamo Bay Prisoners
      • Veepstakes: Ghost of Vincent Foster Warns Obama
      • Chickens Need Home to Roost: Obama Forms Habitat for Poultry
      • Vice President-elect Rendell Unendorses Clinton
      • Wright Blames White People for His Betrayal of Obama
      • Yo-bama! Clinton Challenges Obama to a Slam
      • Murtha: McCain Not Sexy Enough for House of Reps.
      • Missuh Obama Say He Help Po Small Town Pennsylvanians
      • Hillary Reassures PA Voters: I Hate Whitey, Too
      • McCain Forced Into Conservative Reeducation Camp
      • Murtha Worries America Has Lost Its Will to Quit
      • Scientists Explore Peak Bullshit Theory
      • Poll: Americans Embrace Change for Other People
      • Decision '08: Pennsylvanians Rally for Next Antichrist
    • Environment
      • Bill Nye, the Political Science Guy
      • EPA Ruling Makes Exhaling Illegal
      • Penn State Climatologist Questions Nittany Lions BCS Rankings
      • Global Warming Impacting Habitat of Gummi Bears
      • Global Warming Theorists Warn Of Mild Summer Temperatures
      • Recent Dip In Witches' Breast Temperatures Contradicts Climatologists
      • Amish Protesters Plan Shower Strike To Support Sanitation Rebel
      • Five Simple Ways to Fake Environmental Consciousness
      • Environmentalists Face off in Bored-to-Death SmackDown!
      • Study: Constant Yapping About Global Warming Causing Global Warming
  • Life
    • Community
      • Deep-Fried State College School District Effigies Added To Grange Fair Menu
      • Fake Testimonial People Angered At Misrepresentation
      • Bum Has Less Money To Steal From Family Christmas Fund For Booze, Gambling
      • Nintendo Develops Wii Community Service
    • Food
      • Grange Fair-goer Chokes To Life On Chicken-On-A-Stick
      • Mr. Peanut Stricken With Salmonella
      • Tyrone Students Sickened When Non-Hoagie Foodstuffs Reintroduced Into Diet
      • Authorities Raid Amish Marshmallow Peep Mill
      • Inspired by Penn State, Saudi College Opens Kosher Deli
    • Health
      • Economy Forces Morbidly Obese Couple To Downsize To Just Obese
      • Study: Most Hypochondriacs Say They'll Be Dead Before Socialized Medicine Is Enacted
      • Town Drunks Push For Socialized Self-Medication
      • Zombies Move to Counter Pro-Life Movement
      • Smoking Ban Hurts Non-Cool Kids Odds Of Fitting In
      • Rendell Pitches "Crimes For Coverage" Program
      • Wal-Mart Fatties Revel in Handicapped Status
      • Disease Center: New Jersey's Bad Manners Spread Westward
    • History
      • People From Future Warn Current Eye Wear Looks Stupid
    • Holidays
      • Ten Reasons The Grinch Is A Progressive
      • Redneck Discovers Town, Family Perfectly Fine Without Him
      • Eleven Reasons Why Scrooge Is A Progressive
      • Lincoln Document Reveals Why Thanksgiving Is On Thursday
      • Co-Workers Still Annoyed By Boss's Fake Brogue Accent
      • Americans Resolved To Yap More About Nebulous Change This Year
      • Americans Plan to Hold Blamesgiving Festivities
      • Racists Feel Ostracized on Martin Luther King Day
    • Linguistics
      • Scientists Isolate Gene That Caused Hicks to Name Daughters Brittany
      • Report: Central Pennsylvanianses Create New Classeses of Wordses
      • Repetitious Sentence Endings Unique to Central PA, So They Are
    • Religion
      • Agnostics' Lack Of Faith Shattered By Climategate
      • Amish Accidentally Shun Family of Hippies
      • Town Drunk Hires Life Coach After Stint of Sobriety
      • Even Richard Dawkins Believes John Edwards Will Go To Hell
      • Native Americans' Haunted House Sits On Yuppie Graveyard
      • Art School Proposes 'Draw The Prophet' Contest
      • Penn State Agnostics Threaten to Work on Christmas
    • Romance
      • Strip Club Enthusiast Wants Fed to Print More Dollar Bills
      • Barhoppers' Debate On Who The Whore Really Is Ends In Draw
      • Stalker Dumps Needy Girlfriend
    • Sports
      • Americans Wonder What the Fuck a World Cup Is
      • Chileans Rally to Buy Jillian Michaels an Actual Shirt
      • Paul Bunyan Admits To Steroid Use
      • Two Cocktail Waitresses Who Didn't Sleep With Tiger Woods Step Forward
      • Jeff Reed First To Sign Sheetz Beer Petition
      • Penn State Finally Wins National Championship... As Party School
      • Drug-Addled Slackers Say Michael Phelps Is A Poor Role Model
      • Penn State Adds Meadows Psychiatric Center To Football Schedule
      • Somali Pirate Asks To Be Traded To Pittsburgh
      • Transvestite Sues: Angered He Can't Throw Like A Girl
      • Swimmer Michael Phelps Scores Key Doritos Endorsement
      • BCS Computers Riot Following Penn State Loss to Iowa
      • NFL Fines Steelers for Hitting the Showers
      • Blue and White Game Divides Fans on Strict Color Lines
      • Guy With Huge Parka, Big Ass Relieved Beaver Stadium is Biggest
      • Specter Reveals Belichick is Manchurian Coach
      • TAHS Football Staff to Poll Fans on Play Calling
  • Opinion
    • Editorials
      • DotPenn Endorses Mooky for President
      • DotPenn Editorial: Damn Guy with Jesus Fish Cut Me Off
      • Drunk Guy Editorial: The Primaries Are Fixed, Know What I Mean?
  • Pennsylvania
    • Mooks
      • Snyder Township Commemorates Arrival Of The Beautiful People
      • Gamesa To Hoagie-Up Wind Farm To Make Project More Palatable
      • Snyder Township Pirates Hijack Garbage Trawler
    • Penndot
      • PennDOT Asks for Sign Change: Man Working. Five Guys Watching Man Working
      • State Issues Cell Phone Driving Guidelines
      • Acid Rock Legends Iron Butterfly to Help Christen I-99
      • PennDOT Miracle! Believers Say Image of Complete Highway Spotted Near Skytop
      • PennDOT Says I-99 Bottleneck to Open at Year's End
      • Rendell Leases State Name to Spanish Company
      • Excessive Finger Pointing Reported at PennDOT, Rendell News Conference
      • PennDOT Tells Public Meeting, "We'll Do What the Hell We Want."
      • PennDOT to Spin Toll as "I-80, Thrill Ride of Death, Admission Fee"
      • PennDOT to Connect I-99 to State College with Giant Ramp
      • PennDOT: Amish Labor, God’s Grace Needed for I-99 Project
    • Local News
      • Meth Addict From Future Travels Back In Time To Rob Grandfather's Convenience Store
      • Incriminating Emails Link Groundhog To Climate Change Hoax
      • Portions Of Haiti Declared Downtown Tyrone
      • Pennsylvania Cowboy 'Bummed' To Discover He's Just a Hick
      • Carnie Recounts Terrifying Trip Through Snyder Township
      • County Offers Cash-for-Drunkards Program
      • Town Drunk Insults Cop For Free White House Beer
      • Snyder Township Supervisor Publishes Book Of Obvious Sayings
      • Rosco P. Coltrane, Boss Hogg To Advise Tyrone Council
      • Altoona Drug Dealer Cited For Not Owning A Pit Bull
      • Tattoo Capital Of The World Pays Homage To The Original Tattoo
      • Snyder Township Crafter Proposes Industrial Windchimes
      • Centre County Deputy Finds Missing Persons Album
      • Commemorative Baked Carriage House Bricks Go On Sale
      • Thousands of Armed Irregulars Mass On Pennsylvania-Maryland Border
      • Police Regret Riot Tactics, Begin Bayonet Drills
      • Secret Order of the Grange Exposed
      • Johnstown Parents Rally Against Raising the Drinking Age to 18
      • Man Finds Christ's Image on Hoagie, Eats It Anyway
      • Snyder Township Celebrates Founders' Day
      • Fighter Ace Recounts Deadliest Mission: Sheetz Parking Lot
      • Lawsuit Averted: State College Sewage Doesn't Stink
      • Led Zepp's Stairway to Heaven Not Up to Code
      • Penn State to Ease Staff Commute with CATA-pult Program
      • Fest Rioters Bemoan Today's Non-rioting College Kids
      • Claysburg Police Now Aiming for Sasquatch
      • Hick-o-Sphere: Scientist Prepare to Colonize Snyder Township
      • State College Poll Finds McCain Losing to Re/Max, Spikes
      • State College Dog Park Now Open to Out-of-Towners
      • Bellwood Heats Up: Global Bench Warming Threatens Soccer
      • Snyder Township's Copper Cowboys Ride the Electro-Range
      • State College Parents Demand Grand Stand
      • Tyrone Borough Council Shoots for Triple Crown
      • Tax Hike To Provide Additional Snobbery Training
      • Bellwood Parents Wary of Kids' Soccer Culture
      • Tyrone wins 20th Consecutive Section 8 Championship.
      • Police Raid Underground NASCAR Bar in State College
      • Foodie Fight! State College Wegmans Rations Sushi
      • Keystone Cult! Monogamy Farmette Raided in Snyder Township
      • Borough Bobble Head Celebrates Windmill Boondoggle
      • State College Voters Demand to be Super-Dooper Delegates
      • Water Park to Open Next to Johnstown Flood Museum
      • Reenactor Asks State College Council to Condemn Seige of Vicksburg
      • One in Four Blair County Teens Can't Spell STD
      • Centre County School Program Picks on Bullies
      • Blair Woman Accused of Back Seat Drunk Driving
      • Altoona Prostitute Accused of Using Political Service
      • Brad and Angelina to Adopt Snyder Township Kids
      • State College Writer Fakes Story About Being from Tyrone
      • Antis Township Official Presides Over Same-Sex Vows
      • State College Birds Asked to Crap in Philipsburg, Tyrone
      • Drunks Band Together Against International Drivers
      • Snyder Township Releases Details on Wreck Park
      • HGTV Plans Altoona Version of "Reassign My Real Estate"
      • Snyder Township 'Too Olde and Foul' For Renaissance Faire
      • Amish Diaspora: Snyder Township Too Backwards for Amish
      • Sub-Prime Fallout Roils State College McMansion Market
      • Pickup Truck Driver Thanks NASCAR, Jesus for Record-setting Commute
      • Tyrone Considers Turning Windmills into Section 8 Housing Units
    • Government
      • Specter Rails Against Charges of Senility, Says He's Just a Traitor
      • Rendell Eyes Air Hockey, Pool Table Tax
      • Rendell: "Very Close" To Deal With Hookers
      • DEP Determines Slime Trail Was Just Rendell
      • Rendell To Raise Impersonal Income Tax, Too
      • States Eye Tax On Candy Cigarettes
      • Rendell Calls Out National Guard To Back Boscov's Buy-In
      • Rendell Considers Using eBay To Auction Off PA Positions
      • PennRon: State Seeks Help to Spin Deficit
      • Rendell Offers Gypsy Moths Central Pennsylvania
      • Pennsylvanians Say Government Needs Reddin' Up
      • Pennsylvania To Fine State Park Drowning Victims
    • Energy
      • Blow Jobs for Joes: Green Power, Red Lights To Stimulate Tyrone Economy
      • Big Bird sustains injuries flying over Allegheny Ridge Wind Farm
      • Yurts for Yinz: Rendell Pledges Winter Help
      • Company Seeks Help to Augment Wind Farm's Energy Production
    • Colleges
      • Penn State Squirrels to Unionize
      • Arresting Officer Reveals Nittany Lion Mimed Anger At Jews For Ruining BCS
      • Scare-Joes To Rid Campus of Crows, Star Recruits
      • Gray Ponytail Holds Penn State Professor Hostage
      • New Parking for Penn State Staff Planned in Lock Haven
    • Politics
      • Undergroundhog Day: Militia Member Sees Shadow Government, Predicts Four More Years Of Totalitarianism
      • Shaner to Test Waters for County Dog-Catcher Bid
      • Satan Rejects Shaner's Bid to Trade Soul for House Seat
      • Rendell: Skinny Voters Won't Support His VP Campaign
    • Recreation
      • Drunk Guys Say 'Let Expert Drinkers Handle Fourth of July Fireworks'
      • Tyrone Man Gets Laid And Laid Off Twice In Two Years
      • Windmill Windfall to Fund Hoagie Happening
• Pictures